did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
