I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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