after a month anything with tits is on the radar
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
