Heybabeimwearingurpanties
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
