I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
