My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
