Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize
