Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Sorry my hands just texted you
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
