Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
