My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
