we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
