her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
