it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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