I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
