i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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