THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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