So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You are the jesus of drinking
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
