its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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