So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
