All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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