We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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