How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
