Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
