I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
