Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
