He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
