I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
