I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
