You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
