remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
