I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
