dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
