I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
