Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Randomize
