no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
