I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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