I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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