Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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