dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
