mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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