The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
