I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
