I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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