also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
