would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
