I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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