I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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