So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
zippers are such a cool invention
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Randomize
