I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Someone came in the potted fern
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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