She said her name was "party"
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
