he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I think pants incapable of making pants work
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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