At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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