if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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