he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I have so many feelings about this burrito
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
