so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
this is an emotional support booty call
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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