Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
