somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
