I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
